This Christmas comedy is only 50-60 mins long. Small cast.
6 actors (3 males, 3 females) + extras.
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
HOWARD: (Speaks 1169 words, this includes the “footprints” poem that can be read.) The crazy cousin… should be very outgoing and loud
ANGIE: (Speaks 1145 words) Stan’s wife, Bethany’s mom, Howard’s cousin.
STAN: (Speaks 1003 words, which does NOT include Luke, chapter 2, which he can read.) Backslidden father, husband and son.
BETHANY: (Speaks 859 words) teenage daughter and new believer.
IRENE: (Speaks 387 words) A feisty Christian lady and Stan’s mom.
CHRISTOPHER : (154 words) The church youth pastor. (Could be changed to female and a Sunday School teacher)
Angie goes over and hits Stan on the arm.
ANGIE That was rude!
Stan turns off the TV.
ANGIE (CONT’D) Now you turn it off?
STAN It wasn’t a very good game.
ANGIE Your team losing?
STAN Big time.
ANGIE And you couldn’t have figured that out a few minutes ago? Okay, well now that I can have your undivided attention and we’re all alone, we need to talk about your mother.
STAN What’s she done now?
ANGIE She invited us over for Christmas Day!
STAN How dare she!! Oh… well, we ain’t doin’ that!
ANGIE Then you need to tell her.
STAN I’ll tell her.
ANGIE I thought Bethany’s friends were very nice.
STAN Were they?
ANGIE Well, you wouldn’t know… you were too busy being rude! The doorbell rings. Angie goes to the door. Howard enters.
HOWARD Cousin Ange…!! (pronounced Anj)
ANGIE Howard… what are you doing here? On Christmas Eve!
HOWARD I’m in town on business… and I thought… “what a bummer, I’m out working and away from home on Christmas”… and then I remembered that you live here!!
ANGIE Yes… I do. Come on in. Look who it is, Stan. It’s my cousin, Howard.
STAN Howard! What brings you here on Christmas Eve?
HOWARD My car. (Laughs) Business. I guess I did not plan well. You don’t mind if I bunk with you folks for a day or so, do you? Just wanted to spend the holidays with family.
STAN Of course. You are very welcome. My mom is here, but she is not staying the night, so the guest room is available.
ANGIE Oh, Stan… Are you sure she is not spending the night?
STAN She lives five miles away… why would she?
ANGIE Oh… and then there was the thing tomorrow… you know, with your mom…
STAN Going to her place? I just said, “we’re not doing that.” Now we have even more reason not to.
HOWARD Am I intruding? I’m intruding!
STAN Oh no! Not at all!
HOWARD Well, I don’t want to intrude! You would tell me if I was intruding, right Angie? Because I would feel terrible if I was intruding.
ANGIE It’s fine! Irene and Bethany enter.
BETHANY Someone here?
HOWARD Is this little Bethie?? Wow! You are so big! Last time I saw you… you were just a little bit of a thing. I guess I should say that you have grown… not that you are big. I’m a motor mouth and things just roll right off my tongue, sometimes.
ANGIE Bethany, do you remember my cousin, Howard?
BETHANY Yes. I think so.
HOWARD I’m hard to forget. Some have tried… but to know avail. Even shock treatment.
HOWARD (To Bethany) Knock, knock!
BETHANY (Caught off guard and hesitant) Who’s there?
BETHANY Hanna who?
HOWARD (Sings) …hanna partridge in a pear tree! (Laughs) I’ve got a ton of ‘em. You’ll lock the door when I go out to get my bag and not let me back in… won’t you?
ANGIE No, of course not.
HOWARD Great! I’ll be right back.
BETHANY I can help. They both exit
ANGIE Our Christmas just got very interesting.
IRENE About that thing I said earlier about you coming over? Never mind… I remembered that my sister Margaret invited me over there. I really should do that.
STAN I thought you didn’t like going to Aunt Margaret’s.
IRENE Suddenly, it doesn’t seem that bad. She starts to exit.
STAN Mom… where are you going?
IRENE I hate knock knock jokes. I am afraid he is going to ask me next. She exits.
ANGIE Suddenly, going to your MOM’S for Christmas doesn’t ‘seem that bad’.
STAN What? Your cousin is fun. I think we will have a blast with him.
ANGIE He’s too hyper! Very ADHD!
STAN Oh… he’s just different… but that’s okay. Howard and Bethany enter with bags and two pillows. ANGIE Oh, Howard, I have pillows.
HOWARD No offense, Cuz, but I always bring my own pillows. I just can’t sleep on most pillows. I have a hard pillow and soft pillow and I rotate them throughout the night.
ANGIE Oh. Well, okay.
HOWARD I’m not keeping you from going to a Christmas Eve service at your church, am I? Because I can easily go along. I brought clothes.
STAN No… not at all.
BETHANY My church is having one, but I’m not going.
STAN I thought that was carolling.
BETHANY The service is later. I didn’t even bring it up.
HOWARD Wait. YOUR church? Do you go to a different church than your folks?
ANGIE We don’t really go, Howard.
HOWARD Not even at Christmas and Easter? Oh well, it’s none of my business. I don’t like those types who ONLY go at Christmas and Easter… I figure … be all the way IN or all the way OUT! Right? You know, it doesn’t really matter… as long as you know Jesus, am I right? (Awkward silence) But maybe I should start praying for you!
ANGIE Oh, that’s not necessary.
BETHANY Please do. I pray for them all the time. And my church prays for them, too.
ANGIE Isn’t that weird? I think that is kind of weird.
HOWARD Not at all! We all need prayer! I remember hearing about you losing your job that time. My church was praying for you then… I wasn’t… but my church was! (Laughs) Just kidding.
STAN This is going to be a fun Christmas Eve!
HOWARD You’re not kidding! It could be eye opening! Anj! Do you remember some of the stuff we used to do as kids?
ANGIE Probably not.
BETHANY Tell us, Howard.
ANGIE No… maybe not.
HOWARD Your mother and I used to dress up all scary and run around the neighborhood trying to spook folks and Grandpa and Grandma would have to come looking for us.
ANGIE It was mostly you and Barbara. I was just tagging along.
HOWARD Oh, Barbara and I were the dynamic duo.
ANGIE Grandma called you Frick and Frack.
HOWARD I remember that! What memories! Oh, I wish Grandpa and Grandma were still here with us. I miss them! Well, maybe not Grandpa, he could be a pain in the patootie sometimes!
BETHANY I forgot how funny you were, Howard.