He is trying to be calm, but the truth is he is a basket case. She is trying to find the words to tell him that it is time to go to the hospital, and when the time comes, he runs around forgetting everything that he is supposed to do. Humorous and fast moving. This skit is also found in the larger production called, “The Love Festival”.2 actors (one male, one female, young adult) About 7 minutes.
behind and kisses her on the cheek)SHE: You look tired.HE: I’m beat. I shouldn’t have gone to work today. You can’t
work when you haven’t had any sleep. (Takes off coat and hangs it
SHE: I told you.
HE: Well, I hope I never have another night like that.
SHE: I’m sorry.
HE: Hey, it’s not your fault. (Sits opposite her and takes off
SHE: Sure it is. I’m supposed to be able to tell these things.
HE: Well, we are not experts about this, so there is plenty
of room for mistakes. Don’t worry about it.
SHE: You were mad last night, weren’t you?
HE: I wasn’t mad.
SHE: Sure you were, you were very angry. I could tell. You should
have seen that look on your face when I came walking down the hall
at the hospital. (She chuckles remembering) You said, “What are you
doing?? Get back in there” (she stands up, revealing that she is
HE: Well, even I know that you aren’t supposed to be walking up
and down the hall when a baby is coming.
SHE: You got angry just the same. I know you. (Pours him a drink)
HE: (patting her stomach) How’s he doing today?
SHE: SHE is doing just fine, I guess.
HE: You know of course, that if he turns out to be a girl, we’ll
have to try again.
SHE: Let’s not talk about that now: (she has a sudden pain, he
doesn’t notice. She checks her watch)
HE: Well, you know how much I really want a son. (She gives him
a look) A daughter will be nice, too. I’ll love her just as much.
But there’s something about having a son. (Turns to look at her, she
stops grimacing with pain and quickly smiles) How come nobody told
us about that “false alarm” stuff? I never heard of that before,
SHE: Braxton Hicks. I knew about it. It happens a lot.
HE: I really thought last night was it. I got so excited. I don’t
know if I can get that excited again.
SHE: I think you over did it a bit.
HE: Yeah, especially since it was a false alarm. How many of
those can you have?
SHE: The doctor said that I was just jumping to conclusions. I
got scared with the contractions, and I was timing them wrong, I just
wasn’t thinking clearly. I mean, they weren’t coming regularly at
HE: So, we need to be more sensible, and calmer, and really
make sure that it is really the right time.
SHE: Well, you certainly were not calm last night. I said I was
having contractions and you went totally bananas! You were so
nervous last night that I couldn’t help but laugh at you.
HE: It wasn’t funny.
SHE: I thought it was. I think you were nervous enough for the
both of us.
HE: I’m trying to get you ready to go, and you’re standing
there laughing at me.
SHE: I couldn’t believe you were packing that suitcase! You
knew that I had one all ready for over a week now.
HE: So I forgot.
SHE: You forgot a lot of things! I thought you were going to
forget me! I realize now that you were just backing the car out of
the driveway to get ready for me. But I was already to go; I could
have easily gotten in the car when you did. Lucky for you, I
remembered your shoes; you would have looked pretty silly at the
hospital without them. But I’m glad it all happened, because now
we will be better prepared when it really does happen. And hopefully,
you will be much calmer. Honey, I really want you to be in the
delivery room with me.
HE: Oh yeah, me too. But last night, the doctor took one
look at me and said, “You wait out here.” Then I heard him say to
a nurse, “all we need is a husband passing out on us”
SHE: Well, at least you didn’t miss anything. Next time, it
will be better
HE: Next time, it better be for real! I just hope I get a
good night’s rest first. When I haven’t had sleep, I am just a wreck!
Do you mind if I go right to bed after dinner?
SHE: About dinner….I’m wondering if maybe…. (Another pain)
HE: What is it, a pain? Are you having a pain? Honey, are
you all right? Here, sit down. Do your breathing. Can I get you
something? Is it better? (She nods) Okay, good. Everything’s okay.
We will remain calm, just like we said. Okay? I’m calm. I’m not
panicking. See how calm I am? After all, it’s just the first one.
You may not have any more for quite some time. Just like last night.
Probably a false alarm….what were you saying about dinner?
SHE: You better call Dr. Sorensen.
HE: About dinner? I thought we were going to have him over
after the baby was born.
SHE: No silly, to meet us at the hospital. I think it’s time.
HE: We just talked about this. We must be sensible and make
absolutely sure! Why are you
looking at your watch?
SHE: I’ve been having the pains for several hours. They have been
coming regularly and more
intense each time. I was hoping you would get home in time.
HE: What???!!! Why didn’t you tell me?
SHE: I’m telling you now. I wanted to wait until I was absolutely
sure, like you said. And these pains are contractions, I’m sure
they are. They are a lot worse than before. And a lot closer together,
in fact we have no time to lose.
HE: How close? How many minutes?
SHE: Just a few, so we should get going. This little girl wants
to come out!
HE: What? Just a few? Oh no.
SHE: Oh, yes. So don’t panic. You better call the hospital, I
think Dr. Sorensen is working tonight, but you had better let them
know we are coming.
HE: Okay, (he tries to dial but is too shaky and can’t get it
right) Hello? Is this the hospital? What? Sorry… wrong number.
(Tries again) Hello… did you say you were the hospital? Good! My
wife is having a baby! We’ll be right there; (hangs up) that’s done,
SHE: You didn’t give them our name.