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The Real God Father

$15.00

This is a humorous sketch where you can have fun acting like an Italian mafia family. The mafia controls the whole town, and all the businesses pay them for their protection. When they ask a local church to pay up, the pastor refuses.

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The play begins with the pastor being brought to the godfather’s home, tied and gagged. We see the godfather’s wife and kids and the goons that work for him and even though it wasn’t suppose to happen this way, the pastor sees this as an opportunity to share the love of God with the godfather and his wife. Hearts are softened.9 actors. (6 male, 3 female) Takes about 10-12 mins.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
PASTOR DAN: Speaks 480 words. A pastor who is kidnapped by the mafia to meet with the godfather about him paying for protection.
DON PANINI: Speaks 369 words. The godfather is a strong and mean character, who softens when he hears the truth about the father, God.
MAMA: Speaks 293 words. Don’s wife who is the typical Italian mother who always wants to make sure that everyone always has something good to eat.
THE SUIT: Speaks 149 words. The godfather’s #1 goon. He bosses the other goons around.
BOBBY: Speaks 131 words. The son who is just learning the ropes of the business.
BOOM BOOM: Speaks 70 words. The gal who hangs out with the goons… probably The Suit’s girlfriend. Chews gum loudly and kind of a “Laverne & Shirley” type.
MEATFACE: Speaks 64 words. Another goon. The dumb one. Could be a muscle guy.
ANGELA: Speaks 31 words. The daughter, who is treated like a princess by her father.
CHA CHA: Speaks 22 words. The goon who just wants to “do away” with everyone.The setting is the living room of the godfather’s home. A comfortable looking room with couches and chairs… no scene changes.
Excerpt:
LIGHTS UP ON:
SCENE ONE:
We see a cozy living room with a typical Italian mafia godfather’s family. A young man enters and sits on the couch next to a teenage girl who is already there. She puts down a magazine and looks in her purse for something. He picks up the magazine. She notices and grabs the magazine and hits him with it on the side of his head.
ANGELA
Hey! I was reading that!
BOBBY
Watch the hair!
ANGELA
Don’t you be taking my magazine!
BOBBY
I thought you wuz through with it! Crimony!
ANGELA
Well, I wuzn’t.
MAMA
(Enters)
Hey! Don’t be pickin’ on your sister! She ain’t dun nuthin’ to you!
BOBBY
Ah Ma! I ain’t pickin’ on her.
MAMA
Where ya been? You missed dinner!
BOBBY
I was out.
MAMA
Out? What do you mean, out?
BOBBY
Out, Ma! Out! I was out!
MAMA
What am I supposed to think? You don’t show up, you don’t call! I worry about you.
BOBBY
You got nuthin’ to worry about, Ma.
MAMA
You want something to eat? I can fix ya something.
BOBBY
I could eat.
MAMA
Shall I warm up some leftovers? I can do that. I don’t want my boy goin’ hungry. We had ravioli for dinner.
BOBBY
Ravioli?
MAMA
Yeah, with eggplant parmigiana.
BOBBY
Eggplant? What else ya, got?
MAMA
What do you think, I’m a restaurant?!! You don’t want what I offer, you can just go hungry!
BOBBY
Okay! I’ll take it.
MAMA
That’s more like it. You won’t be sorry. You know you like my eggplant parmigiana. How about you, Angela? You want me to fix you something?
ANGELA
I’m fine, Mama.
As she leaves for the kitchen, the doorbell rings.
MAMA
Angela! Get the door!
Angela leaves. Bobby picks up her magazine again. The Suit enters followed by his gal friend, Boom Boom.
THE SUIT
Bobby! What are you doin’?
BOBBY
What?
THE SUIT
You didn’t finish the job! Howz’ ya gonna learn nuthin’ if you don’t finish?
BOOM BOOM
Yeah… and youze bein’ the father’s son and all… tsk tsk tsk
BOBBY
What else did you want me to do?
THE SUIT
You wuz sposed to go to that guy’s house and collect.
BOBBY
I did go! He says he’s not payin’!
THE SUIT
Then you make him pay! Do a shake down! I’m very disappointed in youze, Bobby!
BOOM BOOM
Yeah… he’s very disappointed… Tsk tsk tsk
THE SUIT
I had to send the muscles in.
BOBBY
But the guy was a priest or somethin’!! I can’t do no shake down on a priest!
Mama enters and sees who has come.
MAMA
What’s goin’ on? Is that where you were, Bobby? You were workin’ for him? You know you can tell me if you’re workin’ the family business! You can tell your mother!
She slaps him on the side of the head
BOBBY
Ma! Watch the hair!
THE SUIT
You don’t have to worry none, Mrs. P… Bobby’s gonna do fine. You and I are goombas. Ain’t we, Bobby?
MAMA
You know what? I’m very proud of you no matter what you do! My sweet little boy!
She pinches his cheek.
BOBBY
Ma!
She exits again. Door bell rings again.
ANGELA
I’ll get it!
BOBBY
Don’t come here and say stuff in front of my ma. She acts all funny all the time.
THE SUIT
Yeah… don’t be thinkin’ ‘bout her; you need to be thinkin’ ‘bout your old man and youze job!
Two more goons/thugs enter with a man tied and gagged, perhaps even a bag over his head.
MEATFACE
What do you want us to do with this guy, boss?
CHA-CHA
I say we knock ‘im off!
THE SUIT
What are you doin’?? Don’t bring him here!
MEATFACE
Where wuz we sposed to take him?
THE SUIT
You never take the mark to the Boss’s place!!
CHA-CHA
I say we burn ‘im!
THE SUIT
Get him out of here!
MEATFACE
But he wouldn’t pay and he kept talking about the father. Well, I don’t know which father he was meanin’. You spose there’s another don movin’ in on our territory? I thought maybe the boss oughta see ‘im.
THE SUIT
Oh, is that what you thought!? Well, ya oughta not be havin’ your own thoughts!
CHA-CHA
I say we clip ‘im!
BOBBY
Get that stuff off of him before my ma sees! She won’t like that.
They untie him as Mama enters. Boom Boom tries to distract her.
BOOM BOOM
Heya Mrs. P… I like… need yer recipe for … uh… uh… for spaghetti… yeah, that’s it… spaghetti. You know what I mean?
MAMA
Yeah… spaghetti. I know what it is. What, you can’t make spaghetti??
BOOM BOOM
Ya spose youze could get that for me?
MAMA
I don’t think so. Look! Now we have a house full of people! Do you all work for my husband? Wait… I never seen this one before!
BOBBY
Ma… this is the reverend… he’s here to have a meet with Pa.
MAMA
The reverend?! Well… this is unexpected. Are you hungry, reverend? Can I fix ya somethin’?
PASTOR DAN
I’m fine.

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