Emotions rise when things begin to go wrong and soon it becomes clear that no one is going to win. The women all end up on the floor covered in cake and frosting after a food fight. A simple message at the end as they realize how they have missed the true spirit of Christmas.
5 actors (4 female and 1 male). About 40-45 mins. (the male role could be easily played by a woman)
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
COLLEEN: (Speaks 1235 words) A mischievous gal with a secret need for attention
ANDREA: (Speaks 1075 words) A very clever and actively involved woman at church
DIANNE: (Speaks 1062 words) A less active woman at church who loves contests
BILLIE JEAN: (Speaks 1060 words) Funny, sincere, innocent and sings in the choir
MACK: (Speaks 1031 words) The host of the bake off (the man in charge)
EXTRAS: A man in a suit and a woman in a big hat. They will stand with their backs to the audience at the end of the play.
Excerpt:
LIGHTS UP ON:
SCENE ONE:
Scene opens with a church kitchen. Several ladies have gathered. The most important thing is that there is plenty of counter space. Ovens can be behind the counter, of if easier, under the counter unseen by the audience. That way, the cupcakes can just go on a shelf and then the finished pan can come out. Set it up the best way you can.
MACK
(Entering)
Okay ladies! Are we ready to begin?
They respond
MACK
This is our first ever… “Battle of the Cupcakes!” Do you all have everything you need? Okay, take your places behind the counter and get ready to begin.
DIANNE
Where are the judges?
MACK
Don’t worry about them… they will be here. There are going to be two judges.
BILLIE JEAN
Who are they?
MACK
We’re keeping that part a secret.
DIANNE
Oooh… secret judges! Will they be watching us work, too?
MACK
They aren’t judging the process, just the finished product. You’ll see them at the end.
BILLIE JEAN
I’m so nervous!
Andrea starts taking things out of her box of stuff
DIANNE
There is nothing to be nervous about, Billie Jean… you know how to bake cupcakes… you just do what you already know how to do.
BILLIE JEAN
Thanks, Dianne. I’ll try.
COLLEEN
What are you doing, Andrea?
ANDREA
Prepping.
COLLEEN
I don’t think we’ve started yet.
ANDREA
I thought he said, “begin”.
COLLEEN
No… he said to get ready to begin.
ANDREA
Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I thought that getting ready meant for me to start prepping.
COLLEEN
I don’t think so.
BILLIE JEAN
What? Is Andrea cheating already?
ANDREA
What do you mean, ALREADY?
BILLIE JEAN
Just kidding.
DIANNE
Are we going to have a time limit?
MACK
What do you mean?
DIANNE
Well, on the TV shows… they only have so much time to get stuff done… so they have to work really fast.
COLLEEN
Oh, Mack… we’re not doing that are we?
ANDREA
It might make things more interesting.
COLLEEN
Well, yeah.. for you, since you got a head start.
Billie Jean high fives Colleen
ANDREA
Okay, Colleen… I’ll put all my stuff back in the box.
MACK
No, you don’t need to do that. We’re not racing. It’s just a competition to see who can make the best cupcake. You will be judged on presentation and taste.
BILLIE JEAN
What do you mean by presentation?
MACK
How your cupcakes look.
BILLIE JEAN
Oh… you’re talking about decorations.
MACK
Yes, and how well you follow the theme.
BILLIE JEAN
What theme?
COLLEEN
You never said anything about a theme.
DIANNE
Oh, this is just like the TV show. He’s throwing us a curve already. I love these kinds of twists.
BILLIE JEAN
I don’t want someone throwing me a curve.
ANDREA
Oh, don’t worry about it. The theme is Christmas, right? I’m sure we all brought red and green colors. And if all you have is white frosting… that’s fine, because white is a Christmas color.
MACK
It’s not that simple. The theme is actually… “Christmas Carols.” You must decorate your cupcakes to make us think of a particular Christmas Carol. If you can incorporate your ingredients into that same theme as well, then you could get bonus points.
BILLIE JEAN
Oh, you want us to be creative! I’m sorry. I’m not a creative person.
ANDREA
Then why did you enter the contest?
BILLIE JEAN
My family told me that I should. They said I can bake really good cupcakes. I’m more of a muffin gal, actually.
DIANNE
Now watch… he’s going to throw some weird ingredient at us that we have to use.
BILLIE JEAN
What? What weird ingredient?
DIANNE
Oh you know, something like onions or garlic or rhubarb.
BILLIE JEAN
Well, if it’s rhubarb, I brought rhubarb.
DIANNE
Really? You’re kidding!
BILLIE JEAN
Why would I…?
ANDREA
Oh, you’re not going to make us put garlic in our cupcakes, are you?
BILLIE JEAN
I like garlic, but it does NOT belong in a dessert!
MACK
Calm down ladies. No. It’s nothing like that. I told you that we aren’t trying to be like a TV show.
DIANNE
But that just makes it more interesting and more fun. A real challenge.
COLLEEN
Speak for yourself.
BILLIE JEAN
Did you bring some weird ingredients, Dianne?
DIANNE
No, not really.
BILLIE JEAN
I doubt anyone did.
COLLEEN
You brought rhubarb.
BILLIE JEAN
Rhubarb’s not weird.
COLLEEN
It’s not if you’re making a pie.
BILLIE JEAN
You haven’t had my rhubarb muffins.
COLLEEN
A muffin is not a cupcake. I still say that rhubarb is a weird cupcake ingredient.
DIANNE
If they were going to do that, have us use a weird ingredient, then they would have provided the weird ingredient.
MACK
Dianne, you give us way too much credit for having a huge imagination. I thought we were doing good to make the theme Christmas Carols.
COLLEEN
Yeah, Dianne, don’t give him any more ideas!
ANDREA
So, do we get to pick our carol, or are you going to assign them?
MACK
No, you can pick them. Otherwise it might not be fair. Some songs will probably be a lot harder than others.
ANDREA
Yes… like how could you do something like “O Holy Night”?
BILLIE JEAN
I’d probably just spell out “O Holy Night” across a bunch of cupcakes. Then make them chocolate for night and poke holes in them for the holy part.
MACK
There you go! Who said you couldn’t be creative? Okay ladies… it’s time to begin. And please don’t take too long to decide which song you’re doing.
COLLEEN
As long as I don’t have to sing it.
BILLIE JEAN
Yes! Nobody wants to hear that!
COLLEEN
What??
The ladies gasp in shock that she said that.
BILLIE JEAN
Oh! Not you! I didn’t mean you. I meant that nobody wants to hear ME sing! Nobody wants that.
ANDREA
Good save.
COLLEEN
I know that you were trying to insinuate that I can’t sing. But I’ll have you know that I used to sing my little ones to sleep every night. Sometimes it would reduce them to tears.
ANDREA
I know what you mean.
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