Fixing Christmas

Actually, the entire play takes place in Matt’s garage as he works on the car. Jeremy gets to know Hank and learns that Hank recently lost his wife. It is a difficult time for him and his family, especially for the middle child, Chrissy, who doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas and gets arrested for shoplifting. Hank is wondering how to “fix” things. The three men are the main characters, but the kids are in and out, with some serious scenes involving Chrissy and her friend Denise, who doesn’t know the Lord. The gospel is shared with Denise in one scene but everyone is shocked to learn that Jeremy (nicknamed, Mr. Christmas) realizes he was never truly saved and he comes to the Lord in a big way at the Christmas Eve Program. Even with the excitement of Beth getting her car in the last scene… Jeremy’s surprise is the best of all. You can say his soul got “fixed” for Christmas. All on one set, making your stage look like the inside of a garage.

11 actors (3 adult men, 1 male teen, 4 female teens, 3 younger children) About 50-55 mins.

Written By Warren Sager
with Stu Kilgour

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

JEREMY: Speaks 1597 words. They call him Mr. Christmas, but it turns out he didn’t know the Lord. He’s transformed at the end.
HANK: Speaks 1546 words. Recently lost his wife and is dealing with a troubled teen.
MATT: Speaks 884 words. Jeremy’s best friend and a mechanic helping Hank out.
GRANT: Speaks 660 words. Matt’s teenage son who is in the garage a lot with his dad.
DENISE: 558 words. A troubled teen who needs love and finds it with Hank’s family
BETH: 552 words. Hank’s oldest daughter who is turning 18 and getting the car.
CHRISSY: 447 words. Hank’s middle child who is not dealing with her mom’s death very well. She get’s arrested for shoplifting with Denise.
KURT: 214 words. Hank’s youngest child.
ANNE: 206 words. Matt’s middle child. A friend of Beth and Chrissy.
TRISH: 117 words. Matt’s youngest child.
LYNNE: 25 words. Trish’s friend from next door.

Excerpt:

MATT
So, what’s going on?
JEREMY
What do you mean?
MATT
I thought there might be a reason that you came by.
JEREMY
Just wanted to hang out.
MATT
That’s cool. Well, I’m glad you’re here. You can keep Hank company while I work on his car.
JEREMY
But I don’t really know him. I mean, what would we talk about?
MATT
Well, he’s a big sports fan… oh, wait. You don’t follow sports do you?
JEREMY
No… but I can fake it.
MATT
What?
JEREMY
I can fake a conversation about sports. You don’t have to know anything about sports to talk about it.
MATT
Oh please!
GRANT
Yeah! No way!
JEREMY
It’s not hard. You just watch… I’ll show you when he gets here
MATT
This I gotta see.
JEREMY
He’s married, right? I could fake a conversation about marriage.
MATT
Well, that could get touchy. Hank just lost his wife. She was killed in a car accident.
JEREMY
(Suddenly gets serious)
Oh… THAT Hank! (Pause) Now, THAT I probably can’t talk about.
Anne enters
ANNE
Dad… someone’s here.
MATT
Is it Hank? Send him in!
ANNE
You want him to come in the garage?
GRANT
Of course! This is the man cave!
ANNE
Oh brother!
JEREMY
You sent ME in here.
ANNE
Well, you’re always here. It’s not like you’re a guest or anything.
She exits and Hank enters.
MATT
Hank! Come on in! Take a load off!
HANK
Wow… you got a nice garage! And it’s nice and warm in here. You would never know it was winter outside.
JEREMY
That’s because he’s in here year round. It’s even cool in the summer.
MATT
Hank, you know Jeremy, don’t you?
HANK
Sure… but I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation.
They shake hands. Hank finds a seat.
JEREMY
It’s nice to get to know you, Hank. I’m Matt’s best friend.
MATT
I’m just taking a break from working on your car here. I’ll get back to it in a minute.
HANK
How’s it coming?
MATT
It’s going well.
HANK
Hey… don’t mess it up like Jackson messed up that third down last night.
JEREMY
Oh man… did you see that?
HANK
Yeah… did you see that?
JEREMY
Ha! I wish I could UN-see it!
HANK
I know, I’m like… are you kidding me?
JEREMY
I say… why even show up if you’re going to do that?
HANK
Thank you! That’s what I was thinking!
JEREMY
He’s all like…
(Waves his arms around)
…and I’m like… come on!
HANK
I know! I’ve never seen anything like it!
JEREMY
Yeah… except for that guy… that one play.. A few years back…
HANK
Yeah yeah… yeah.. Jones.. No… Johnson! Against (insert city name here) in ‘06.
JEREMY
That’s the one! That’s the guy! It was killing me back then, too.
Matt and Grant look at each other in amazement and sort of laugh. Matt punches Grant lightly in the arm.
MATT
Well, on that note… I think I’ll crawl back under this puppy.
HANK
Can I help you with that, Matt?
MATT
Nah! I got Grant to fetch stuff for me. He’s a big help.
He crawls under (or near) the car again.
JEREMY
Yeah… I asked him, too.. And he told me the same thing. His loss… that’s all I can say.
HANK
I forget your last name, Jeremy.
JEREMY
Hoffstedder.
HANK
Oh, that’s right. (Pause) You know, I went to school with a Hoffstedder. I think her name was Marilyn.
JEREMY
That’s my aunt. She still lives in the area. They have a farm out south of town.
HANK
(Laughs kind of to himself)
You know, I almost asked her out. She used to run with that girl… oh… I can’t remember her name.
JEREMY
Probably her best friend Kathy Shaunessy. Let’s see, she would have been Laramie back then.
This next banter needs to move right along to bring the humor to it and make it sound exhausting.
HANK
No… it was more like… I think it started with a C… Cindy …Candy…
JEREMY
Candy Humphries?
HANK
No, Carol. Carol or Carolyn.
JEREMY
Carolyn Matthews? Or Carol Oglethorpe? Carol…
HANK
Catherine! Connie… no… It was a boy’s name!
JEREMY
Carl… Cass… Connor? Kathleen Connors!
HANK
Taylor! Taylor Reese!
JEREMY
Reese Taylor?
HANK
That’s it!
JEREMY
Yeah… that starts with a C.
GRANT
Dude! That was freaking me out! I’m so exhausted.
HANK
Wow… you’re really good with names. I’m terrible!
GRANT
If you ask him to name every woman he’s ever known… I’m leaving.
HANK
So, Jeremy… speaking of women… why aren’t you married yet?
JEREMY
That’s a good question. I wish I had a good answer.
HANK
Got a girlfriend?
JEREMY
Nope. Not for awhile now. You know, the older I get, the scarcer they seem to become. It’s like I’m walking around with this sign on me that says “getting old and set in his ways”. So they run in the other direction.
HANK
That’s funny.
JEREMY
Yeah… the whole dating scene can be such a drag sometimes. I’ve kind of given that up.
GRANT
So, you’re just going to stay single?
JEREMY
I didn’t say that! I really want to get married. I just don’t want to have to keep dating. Now if I met the gal who seemed like the one and we really liked each other… well, then I wouldn’t mind spending time with her, you know what I mean?
HANK
I hear ya. It’s been so long, that I have really forgotten what all of that was like. I don’t think I could do it again. Right now… I’m just trying to figure out how to be a parent to teen age girls!
MATT
(From under the car)
Hey! When you figure that out… would you let me know??
JEREMY
I imagine that is hard.
HANK
Yeah… even harder now that I have to do it alone. Losing someone you love can totally change your whole life and your personality. I’ve got three at home and the middle one seems to be taking it the hardest.
JEREMY
(After a nervous pause, trying to think of something to say)
Oooh… the middle kid… you know what they say about middle kids…
HANK
What? Is there something special about middle kids?
JEREMY
I got nothing. I was just trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about.
GRANT
Ha! You see?
HANK
(Changing the subject)
Hey, Grant… I didn’t see your mom when I came in. Is she out shopping?
GRANT
Nah… she’s in the mountains on the women’s retreat thing.
HANK
Oh that’s right. I forgot that was this weekend. Brenda always liked going to those.
Whenever Hank brings up his wife, the others get quiet because they don’t know what to say and Hank changes the subject after a pause because he knows they are uncomfortable.
HANK
So, Jeremy… remind me what you do again…
JEREMY
Well, I have been working…
Beth runs in quickly out of breath! Grant sees her and runs in front of the car and tries it block it with his body, as if he could. This could come across funny, but Beth doesn’t notice as she’s too excited.
BETH
Dad!
HANK
Beth… what’s going on?
BETH
Dad, why don’t you have your cell turned on?
HANK
Oh, I keep forgetting to do that. What’s wrong?
BETH
You need to go to the police station!
HANK
What? Police station!
BETH
You need to go and get Chrissy.
HANK
Chrissy! What happened?
BETH
She was arrested.
HANK
Arrested??!! What for??
BETH
Shop lifting. The police just called the house and said that you need to come down there.
HANK
I’ll see you guys later.

(Later)

BETH
Trish, we had this idea of getting started on the decorating to surprise your mom when she gets home from the retreat.
(Looking around)
Do you guys decorate your garage before the rest of the house?
ANNE
That was Jeremy’s doing. He’s a regular Mr. Christmas! It’s the first thing he noticed when he came over…. no decorations up.
BETH
Maybe we should get him to help us.
TRISH
Did Dad say it was okay to decorate?
ANNE
Sure… why wouldn’t he?
KURT
He probably doesn’t care as long as he doesn’t have to do it.
ANNE
Yeah, they’re watching the game, so they don’t care what we do… and then, maybe next weekend we’ll go over to your house to help you guys get your stuff up.
KURT
Oh, that should be fun. I like to help my dad hang the lights.
CHRISSY
We’re not doing decorations this year.
BETH
Says who?
CHRISSY
Come on, Beth! Do you really want to celebrate Christmas this year?
KURT
We’re not going to have Christmas?
CHRISSY
I’m sure Dad would rather we didn’t. I know I don’t want to!
LYNNE
Why would you not have Christmas?
TRISH
Because their mom died a few months ago.
LYNNE
Oh.
ANNE
Trish!
BETH
It’s alright. Everyone is dealing with this in a different way. Do you guys want to help us do the decorations?
LYNNE
That sounds like fun!
KURT
Yeah… okay.
BETH
How about you, Grant?
GRANT
Oh, no thanks… I’ll probably just watch the game. In fact, I think I’ll go back in there now. I only came out here to grab a soda.
He goes to the fridge and takes out a can of soda.
ANNE
Hear’s one of the boxes… you guys take this out to the living room. Here’s another one.
Trish and Lynne leave with a box and Kurt takes another one.
ANNE
I think this is the last one, Beth.
BETH
Okay… go ahead, I’ll be in in a minute.
ANNE
Okay.
She exits. Beth sits down and looks at Chrissy.
CHRISSY
What!
BETH
Chrissy, we are at someone’s house as their guests!
CHRISSY
Not by my choice! I asked Dad if I could stay home!
BETH
After that stunt you pulled, you think he is going to leave you home alone?
CHRISSY
I’m not having this conversation with you right now!
BETH
I just think you could try a little. Put out a little effort.
CHRISSY
For what? I’m not good at faking a good time.
BETH
But you’re making everyone uncomfortable.
CHRISSY
That’s why I came out here, so I could get away from everyone! But everyone ended up coming out here, too! Now why don’t you go and have fun with your friends… have a nice time doing Christmas with them… because we ain’t doing it at our house!
BETH
Why do you get to decide whether we celebrate Christmas or not? I don’t think that’s your decision.
CHRISSY
You just ask Dad. I bet you anything he’s against it, too. We all lost our mom… but he lost his wife! I don’t think we can begin to know what that is like.
BETH
It’s nice that you are thinking of Dad… but were you thinking of him when you stole that stuff yesterday? I don’t get it, Chrissy. You’ve never done anything like that before.
CHRISSY
It was kind of Denise’s idea.
BETH
Denise Phillips?
CHRISSY
Yeah… she’s shoplifted before. She’s pretty good at it. I messed up and got us caught.
BETH
Chrissy, we’ve had the ten commandments drilled into us since we could read! How could you break “Thou shalt not steal”?
CHRISSY
I’m not proud of it, okay?!!
BETH
When did you become friends with Denise?
CHRISSY
Can we not do the interrogation right now?
BETH
Okay. I’m sorry. I’m going to go, but I don’t think you should stay out here too long. Being anti-social can seem rude.
Chrissy just crosses her arms and sulks as Beth exits… she runs into Hank on her way out.
HANK
Is Chrissy out here?
BETH
Yep… she’s all yours.
Beth exits and Hank sits down next to her.
HANK
I guess coming over here tonight wasn’t a good idea.
CHRISSY
Why?
HANK
Well, you don’t seem to be having a good time.
CHRISSY
Are you?
HANK
Well… Matt and I are watching the game. He’s a good friend. I thought you kids got along nicely with his kids. Isn’t Anne a friend of yours?
CHRISSY
I don’t feel like being a social butterfly right now.
HANK
No one’s asking you to do that.
CHRISSY
Dad? Do they know?
HANK
Does who know what?
CHRISSY
Do they know about me getting arrested?
HANK
Well… I don’t know who knows besides Matt and Grant. They were here when Beth came by to get me. I wouldn’t worry about it.
CHRISSY
Everyone’s going to find out, aren’t they? Everyone at church and everyone at school.
HANK
News like that does seem to travel fast. And kids can be very cruel. You might get teased and who knows what all?
CHRISSY
Oh… you’re encouraging!
HANK
I just don’t want to paint a pretty picture if there ain’t one. (Pause) Do you want me to gather up the gang and head for home?
CHRISSY
Would that be rude?
HANK
I think they’d understand.
CHRISSY
Well, Beth and Kurt are helping Anne decorate. They’re just getting started.
HANK
Yeah… I think they’re having fun doing that. They all seem excited.
CHRISSY
Dad… do you want to celebrate Christmas this year?
HANK
Oh.
CHRISSY
Because I don’t.
By this time, Hank has his arm around Chrissy, and he pulls her in tight and she falls over on his lap crying. He pats her head.