The Murphy’s Mountain Holiday

As folks are arriving, a newlywed couple show up on the wrong weekend for a family reunion. They get invited to spend the night and eventually the whole weekend with the Murphy’s. The humor throughout is basically because of the odd characters who are represented: Teenage Chris, who wants to be called ‘Danger’ because he’s into film noir; Uncle Eddie who thinks he’s a motivational speaker; his odd girlfriend, Candy; Velma, the 90 something, eccentric lady from next door; and sleepy, hard of hearing, and fussy grandpa. The gospel is shared to some of the strangers by the kids this time, as they tell who Jesus is and what Christmas really means.

21 characters (6 men, 7 women, 2 teen boys, 3 teen girls, 3 children) The kids are 1 boy and 2 girls, but some of the gender can be changed without too much trouble. The play runs about 45 min.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

MARGARET: Speaks 796 words. Helen’s overbearing and opinionated sister.

HELEN MURPHY: Speaks 721 words. Margaret’s sister, who planned the weekend.

CHRIS MURPHY: Speaks 600 words. Helen’s teenage son, into film noir and likes to be called Danger.

EDDIE: Speaks 598 words. Helen & Margaret’s unusual and unmarried brother.

SHARON: Speaks 587 words. Jim’s wife.

JIM: Speaks 538 words. Margaret’s son, married to Sharon and a new father.

VELMA: Speaks 465 words. The 90 something, eccentric, elderly lady next door.

CANDY: Speaks 417 words. Eddie’s girlfriend/assistant, rather ditzy.

SANDY MURPHY: Speaks 405 words. Helen’s typical teenage daughter, but she knows scripture.

AARON: Speaks 402 words. A newlywed who arrived on the wrong weekend.

BECCA: Speaks 395 words. Aaron’s wife, who misread the invitation.

GRANDPA: Speaks 314 words. Grouchy and hard of hearing. Sleeps a lot.

GRANDMA: Speaks 309 words. The spiritual glue that holds the family together.

SCOOTER MURPHY: Speaks 320 words. Helen’s youngest, a new, bold Christian.

HARRY MURPHY: Speaks 222 words. Helen’s husband.

GEORGE: Speaks 173 words. Margaret’s husband.

JANNY: Speaks 132 words. Margaret’s younger daughter.

MARIA: Speaks 127 words. Sandy’s friend.

JAMIE: Speaks 112 words. Janny’s sister.

DALLAS: Speaks 110 words. Chris’s friend.

KIRSTEN: Speaks 100 words. Sandy’s and Chris’s friend.

Excerpt:

Grandpa and Grandma enter.
GRANDMA
Oh…this is nice. Real cozy, don’t you think?
GRANDPA
If we don’t freeze our fannies off! I thought someone was going to get here first and turn on the heat.
GRANDMA
Someone is here…there was a car parked out front. I wonder where they are?
GRANDPA
Probably in a corner someplace froze to death!
GRANDMA
Oh behave! I’m sure they’ll get the heat going soon enough.
GRANDPA
It won’t be soon enough as far as I’m concerned.
GRANDMA
Why don’t you go and sit someplace.
GRANDPA
Yeah…that’s what I need…to sit. We’ve been sitting in that car for what? 3 hours? 4 hours? Seemed like an eternity!
GRANDMA
Okay then, don’t sit! Why don’t you do laps around the cabin? Maybe that will warm you up.
GRANDPA
I believe this is called a lodge. Too big for a cabin. Smells kind of musty, don’t you think?
GRANDMA
Don’t complain in front of Harry. He tried really hard to find just the right place for us.
GRANDPA
Whose idea was it for us to come to the North Pole for Christmas this year?
GRANDMA
Oh hush up. I never heard such carrying on! Why don’t you sit there next to the fireplace while I go find us a room.
GRANDPA
(Very sarcastic)
Oh, sure! Next to the fireplace and the warm blazing fire! Yeah…that’s the ticket! (As she is leaving) Get us the room that is closest to the bathroom!
GRANDMA
Don’t worry, I will.
She exits.
GRANDPA
Hurry where? I’m chilled, too, you know!
Margaret and George enter with luggage. George is holding a suitcase together.
MARGARET
I told you that we needed new luggage, but you thought our old stuff was just fine!
GEORGE
It would have been just fine if you didn’t over pack it!
MARGARET
Over pack it? You limited me to one suitcase, so what else was I supposed to do?
GEORGE
We’re not staying a week you know! I don’t know why you had to bring so much stuff!
MARGARET
I never know if I have the right things to wear. It’s very hard to plan ahead for that.
GEORGE
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… really.
MARGARET
Don’t be ridiculous. Ha! Besides, George…I had no idea what to expect. And just as I suspected, we have very primitive surroundings. You’re going to be glad I brought some of that stuff. I hope there’s electricity.
GEORGE
Of course there is. And it ain’t that primitive. At least it better not be…we paid enough for it. Where shall I put your broken suitcase?
Sharon enters again.
SHARON
Oh, Hi Dad! You made it up here pretty fast.
GRANDPA
That’s because he drives like a maniac!
MARGARET
Daddy!
SHARON
(Almost laughing)
That’s okay, Grandpa… go right ahead… don’t hold back! Say what’s on your mind.
GRANDPA
(Moving toward the exit)
Did you see a bathroom back there someplace? I’ve been holding it for quite some time now.
SHARON
Sure, there are a few of them. The closest one is right down the hall. Grandma has picked the room right next to it.
GRANDPA
Did you chip away the ice in the toilet bowl?
SHARON
The ice? Oh…funny. I found the thermostat in the hall here and we should have some heat shortly. I think Chris and Scooter are out looking for wood.
GRANDPA
They don’t have to look far, there are woods all over the place.
Grandpa exits
SHARON
No…I meant chopped wood…
GEORGE
Bedrooms are back that way?
SHARON
Yeah… what happened to that suitcase?
George exits
MARGARET
I don’t want to talk about it. Where’s that baby of yours?
SHARON
I just put her down, and Jim’s with her…and she’s not a baby anymore, Mom. Where are the girls?
MARGARET
I don’t know. We parked and they hopped out of the van and took off. They will be cold and probably wet when they finally get in here.
SHARON
I’m sure they’re fine. Maybe they’ll run into Chris and Scooter out there. Oh, that reminds me, Chris is going by Danger now.
MARGARET
Danger? Is that a name?
SHARON
Yeah…he thinks it’s cool. So we’re trying to remember…
MARGARET
I’m not calling him that.
SHARON
(Laughs)
I figured as much. Hey…it’s going to be a great time, Mom.
MARGARET
How do you know?
SHARON
What?
MARGARET
Oh, you know I voted against doing this. I would have rather just stayed home. It was all Helen and Harry. It’s going to be so much work… bringing all the food and staying in a strange place…not to mention how cold it is up here!
SHARON
Come on, Mom. Try to have a positive outlook. And please promise me that you won’t fight with Aunt Helen.
MARGARET
Fight! Why Sharon! I never fight with her! I don’t know why you say such things. Where did you say the bathroom was?
SHARON
I think Grandpa took the first one, so just go a bit further and turn the corner. This really is a nice lodge. I think they made a good choice.
MARGARET
Time will tell.

They exit. Then a young couple enter and there is no one else in the room.
BECCA
Oh Aaron! This is really nice! It was well worth the long drive.
AARON
I can’t believe it took us all day to get here. I’m really beat. It is nice, though. They really picked a nice place for the reunion.
BECCA
All the snow outside and the cozy fireplace….it’s just perfect!
AARON
It will be like having our honeymoon all over again!
BECCA
Well…not exactly. We didn’t have all your family around on our honeymoon.
AARON
You know, it’s weird, but I didn’t recognize any of the cars out there. I wonder if everyone rented or something.
BECCA
Well, you couldn’t prove by me… I never remember anyone’s car.
AARON
It looks like we might be the last ones here. I hope they left us a nice room.
(Hollers)
HELLO!!
Candy enters
CANDY
Oh, hello! You must be more family! Hi, I’m Candy! We’ve never met.
AARON
(Wondering who she is)
Hi. Aaron and Becca.
CANDY
I go with Eddie. Probably Uncle Eddie to you. Let me go and tell someone you are here.
She exits
BECCA
I didn’t know you had an Uncle Eddie.
AARON
I don’t.
BECCA
Really? That’s weird. Well, I guess we’ll find out soon enough who they are.
They enter farther into the room and set their luggage down. Becca starts looking around. Jim enters.
JIM
Oh, hello! I thought I heard someone. You must be Chris’s friends. We weren’t expecting you till tomorrow.
(Hollers)
Danger! Guess who’s here!
They react to him yelling ‘danger’
AARON
Wow…someone else I don’t know. I’m Aaron and this is my wife, Becca. I’m actually Christine’s brother, not her friend. Who are you?
JIM
(Puzzled)
I’m Jim. Chris’s cousin. Did you say Christine?
AARON
Yeah, I’ve never heard anyone call her Chris.
JIM
I was talking about Christopher, aren’t you his friend?
AARON
Christopher?
JIM
Christopher Murphy. Danger? Maybe you have the wrong place.
BECCA
No, this is the place. I recognized it from the picture.
AARON
45 Old Mountain Road?
JIM
That’s it. And this is the Murphy party. My name isn’t Murphy, but my Mom was a Murphy.
Chris comes running in and then stops when he doesn’t recognize the couple.
JIM
Chris! This is Aaron and…what was it again?
BECCA
Becca.
JIM
Becca. This is Chris Murphy. You can call him Danger. So, you don’t know him, huh?
AARON
No. Glad to meet you. I don’t know what to say. There is obviously something wrong here.
CHRIS
I thought you were going to be my friends. I’m really expecting them tomorrow. Are you related to our family?
AARON
I guess not. I’m Aaron Alburton. This is supposed to be the Alburton Christmas reunion.
CHRIS
Oh, wow! Maybe they accidently booked two parties here for the same weekend! Wouldn’t that be awesome!?
(Jim gives him a funny look)
Or not.
BECCA
But we’re really late. The others would have been here by now. We’ve been driving all day.
AARON
Becca, honey… look in your purse and see if you have the info about the reunion.
BECCA
Aaron…we’ve already confirmed that this is the right address.
AARON
Just look please.
She digs in her purse and pulls out an invitation.
BECCA
It’s right here. See? Come to our great family reunion at the Old Mountain Lodge. Enjoy New Year’s with us… (Pause)
AARON
New Year’s? It says New Year’s?
BECCA
It says New Year’s.
CHRIS
So you’re supposed to be here next weekend.
AARON
Why did you tell me it was Christmas?
BECCA
Me? You could have seen what it said!
AARON
I never saw that thing. You told me it was Christmas and that is all I have known! I never looked at the invitation.
BECCA
I thought I read Christmas.
AARON
Oh man! We drove all the way up here on the wrong weekend!