The granny seems so innocent and a little dumb about the whole thing. Once the granny starts preaching at her and the mafia mama learns that she is a widow of a preacher, she decides she had better let her go and she feels guilty for her actions. When the mafia mama leaves, Granny gets a phone call from her good fer nuthin’ grandson… something about some money.
2 actresses. 5 mins.
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
GRANNY: Speaks 748 words. A hillbilly woman who loves God.
MAFIA MAMA: Speaks 311 words. The crime boss of a mafia ring.
Excerpt:
LIGHTS UP ON:
SCENE:
An old woman is sitting in a chair. She had her hands behind the chair as if tied. She is blindfolded and possibly gagged, or perhaps a cloth bag is over her head… or a pillow case. Another woman… rather scary looking is pacing around and circling her. She removes the hood or blindfold. The mafia woman can have any characterization, but it might be fun to make her Italian like the stereotype godfather. You would probably have to change the words to make that work.
MAFIA MAMA
Don’t make me hurt you.
GRANNY
Like I tole that other fella… ‘ya got the wrong person!’
MAFIA MAMA
Look, lady. You are gonna tell me everything you know about where that money is hid!
GRANNY
You can juss call me Granny. Most folks do.
MAFIA MAMA
Listen, Granny! I’m a patient woman. I’m gonna give you another chance.
GRANNY
I thanks ya, but I reckon ya got the wrong person. I ain’t got the foggiest what yer blabbin’ bout.
MAFIA MAMA
What I’m blabbin’ about is something very big, Granny. There’s a lotta dough at stake here!
GRANNY
Whatcha needin’ the dough fer? Ya makin’ cookies?
MAFIA MAMA
What?
GRANNY
I fine that when I make cookie dough, it makes all the folk feel good. The smell a dat dough a bakin’ will really put a smile on dat sour face of yers. But I don’t use dough when I be fryin’ a steak!
MAFIA MAMA
(Pause in disbelief and confusion)
You need to stop talking and start thinking about helping me out!
GRANNY
I be just plum chipper to hepp ya… any ways I can!
MAFIA MAMA
But you haven’t told me anything! I’m running out of patience!
GRANNY
Dint you just say you was a patient woman? Now you says you ain’t. Which is it?
MAFIA MAMA
I was a patient woman… but you are changing me! You don’t know who you are dealing with here. Now tell me where the money is and this can all end peacefully.
GRANNY
I be happy to tell ya anything you wants to know! Cept I think that you think I’m somebody else or sump’n. Now, I’d give ya all my money, but I really ain’t got all that much. Seems to me yer a wantin’ a bunch a money. Did somebody take yer money? Maybe you better call the cops.
MAFIA MAMA
I don’t call the cops. I own the cops. You see… everyone answers to me around here. I don’t answer to no one.
GRANNY
I dint know folks could own the cops! Now… if that be true… you must be rich. I know how rich folk don’t like it when they lose their money. Did ya keep it under yer mattress? Cuz that’s the first place the robber will look. You might wanna think about using them banks… I hear’d they lock up yer money real good.
MAFIA MAMA
That’s enough. We’re getting nowhere. If you don’t start talkin’ soon… I’m gonna have to take matters to the next step. And you don’t want that to happen! Believe me!
GRANNY
Oh! I believe you! I got no reason to think you be lyin’ to me. Y’all’s been straight with me from the git go.
MAFIA MAMA
Yes… and I think it’s your turn to be straight with me.
GRANNY
I don’t know how to be no other way. Ain’t never tole a lie and that’s the… the…
MAFIA MAMA
The what?
GRANNY
Well, I dun stopped myself from sayin’ it’s the truth cuz I’m a thinkin’ it prolly ain’t.
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