I Didn’t Know You Could Sing

 

Excerpt:

(Frank and Edith are a married, Christian couple who are sitting in
their kitchen or living room reading magazines/newspapers.)

FRANK: Edith, did I tell you that I am going to join the church
choir?

EDITH: The choir? Why Frank, I didn’t even know that you could
sing!

FRANK: What? Didn’t know I could sing?!

EDITH: What I meant was I didn’t know that you liked to sing.

FRANK: Of course I like to sing! What’s the matter with you?

EDITH: I stand next to you in church every Sunday, and I rarely hear
you singing.

FRANK: Oh that is probably just because I didn’t know the song very
well, or maybe they were singing it too slow. You know, that song
leader leads the songs way too slow!

EDITH: He has a name, you know.

FRANK: Who?

EDITH: Sebastian, the song leader.

FRANK: I know that. I was talking to him on Sunday about joining
the choir.

EDITH: Did he say you could join, then?

FRANK: Of course he did. He can spot talent when he sees it.

EDITH: So, will you have to do an audition?

FRANK: Oh no. They don’t do that. They let anyone sing that wants
to. It’s pretty obvious when you listen to our choir sing. You
could join too if you wanted.

EDITH: Well, I never thought about it. Maybe I’ll let you try it
first.

FRANK: You know, now that I think about it, they really should have
auditions. That way they won’t get any bad singers in there making
the choir sound bad. Yeah… I’ve been listening to them sing lately,
and it just hit me that there was something missing, and I suddenly
realized that it was me! I think it was the Lord speaking to me that
he wanted me to join the choir.

EDITH: Sure…sure. I see that.

FRANK: I’m not so sure that one person can turn things around that
much, but it will undoubtedly be better than it has been.

EDITH: So what exactly did Sebastian say when you asked him.

FRANK: Oh, he was very excited. He said that I was more than
welcome and that he could always use another bass. Now I didn’t
tell him that I was a bass, so I guess he just assumed it. Won’t
he be surprised when I start singing tenor?

EDITH: Do you know how to sing tenor?

FRANK: Do I know how?! Edith! Give me some credit! How hard can
it be? You just sing higher and louder! Tenor is the part to have
in a choir. No one ever hears the basses.

EDITH: Maybe they don’t need more tenors.

FRANK: Oh, you can’t have enough tenors! Besides, I’ll be an
improvement over who they have now, anyway.

EDITH: Sure sure… They’re going to be happy to have you.

FRANK: No doubt about that.

(phone rings)

EDITH: (Answering the phone this way) Praise the Lord!? …..yes…
this is Edith. …. Oh, Hello! Just a minute please, he’s right here!
Dear, it’s Sebastian Walkerhouser!

FRANK: Who?

EDITH: The choir director!

FRANK: Oh! Yes, of course! Hello there Sebastian! ….What’s that?
….. Oh yes, I did need to know when the practice was. …. Okay….thank
you for calling and telling me…… what’s that? …..Oh, alright.
Sure! You are the expert! I completely trust your judgment in the
matter. Good! I will see you at practice. Don’t worry; I am
always very punctual to things like that. Yes… I’m looking forward
to it. You know, Sebastian, this is such a right move for me. I’m
always praising the Lord. You know, I always say to myself, “Frank,
just praise the Lord” and now I can do it in song! Yes….Good-bye.

EDITH: Well, that was nice of him.

FRANK: That guy does not know beans about directing a choir! I
think I could direct a choir better than him! I know I can…I mean,
how hard can it be? You just stand there and wave your arms!

EDITH: What did he say?

FRANK: He wanted me to try to sit next to Charlie Bledsoe. Like I
need Charlie Bledsoe to help me sing! That Charlie couldn’t sing his
way out of a paper bag!

EDITH: Perhaps Sebastian wants you to sit next to Charlie so that
you can help Charlie, not that he can help you.

FRANK: Oh, that must be it! You are so brilliant, Edith! That has
to be it exactly. I told you that that Sebastian can spot talent
when he sees it!

EDITH: Sure sure…. Looks like he knows what he is doing after all.

FRANK: Oh, he still doesn’t know what he is doing! I think he just
got lucky with that one. Anyone would know to put me where I can be
the most help for the good of the choir.

EDITH: So, when is the practice?

FRANK: Wednesday night at 7.

EDITH: We should mark that on the calendar so we don’t forget.

FRANK: Oh, I won’t forget. Well… well…. This is certainly a good
thing isn’t it? I can help the choir in so many ways.

EDITH: Do you really know any of them very well? I don’t think any
of our friends sing in the choir.

FRANK: Come to think of it, I never see any choir members attending
Sunday School or prayer meeting. Perhaps they are not a very
spiritual bunch.

EDITH: Oh, I think the reason for that is because they practice
during Sunday School class and also on Wednesday night. You just
said it was at 7, and that is the same time as the bible study and
prayer meeting.

FRANK: Now, that can’t be right! They can’t be scheduling something
else at the same time as a bible study! I knew there was another
reason why that Sebastian was incompetent! I will have to get that
changed immediately! No wonder the choir is lacking in spirituality,
they never attend bible studies!