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This Isn’t Carnegie Hall, You Know!

$15.00

If you are looking for something very easy that will add to your simple Christmas program, this is a short drama about people arriving to the program, and the people in the background trying to put the thing together and make it run smoothly.

Diane is the lady in charge and she is nervous and flustered and she has some kids helping her who are not all that helpful. The rest of the cast are just people arriving for the program to watch, and then talking again as they leave, all of them blessed by what they have seen. But arriving, is a different story, as each one has an issue, complaining children, bickering couple, etc. Toward the end, the power goes out and the Christmas story from Luke 2 is read by flashlight to end the program. Humor throughout. Most parts are very small.

16 actors total (9 adults = 3 males, 6 females. 7 youth & children -mostly girls, but any gender)
dialog runs about 12-13 mins.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

DIANE: The person in charge, but very flustered and nervous. (the only large part)

TAYLOR: Diane’s junior assistant. Organized and confident.

CAL: A fast driving husband

BETTY: His nagging wife

LINDA & JOHANNA: Middle aged sisters w/o children

LANE & EMILY: Diane’s ‘not very helpful’ young helpers

DALE & LISA: Inactive church attenders

TANNER: Their son who hates the hypocrisy of it.

LEAH & HANNAH: Two complaining girls/sisters

PAUL & JILL: Their frustrated parents

LANDON: A very young kid who keeps getting lost.

Most of the parts are very small. They come in at the beginning and leave at the end. They could be coming down the aisle, speaking their lines, or coming across the stage and making their way to the front seats. This works well with a concert that has several different acts performing. Diane’s part could be off to one side, like a stage manager who talks between the songs. Can be done very simply and easily.

Excerpt:

SCENE ONE:
The play begins with a family entering to attend. They talk as they head toward their seats in the front of the auditorium.
LISA
This looks different. Did they make some changes?
DALE
We haven’t been here since Easter. I’m sure something is different.
TANNER
Mom! Why did you make me come? I don’t know anybody here!
LISA
Because it’s Christmas, dear! You know, we always go to church at Christmas.
TANNER
What’s the point? We’re always strangers.
LISA
It’s not about knowing people. It’s about being here. We’re Christians, and this is what Christians do. God knows that we are here.
TANNER
Yeah…and I guess He knows that we don’t come the rest of the year, too. Like I said… what’s the point? If He were here, He’d probably ask you the same question.
LISA
What?
DALE
Don’t you talk to your mother like that? It’s not going to kill you to attend church a couple of times a year. Let’s sit over there.
They go sit down. Two women enter.
LINDA
I hope they have a lot of children in the program this year.
JOHANNA
Of course they will…why wouldn’t they?
LINDA
Well, with the way kids are now days. You can’t get them to do anything. They just all want stuff. Give me, give me! You don’t see kids with a giving heart any more.
JOHANNA
I guess you’re right. I never really thought about it that much.
LINDA
It’s so sad. Today’s kids are a lost generation.
JOHANNA
I don’t know if I would go that far.
LINDA
Have you seen the kids on TV these days? The way they dress, the way they act, the things they do and say??
JOHANNA
But is that a true representation of most of the kids in the country?
LINDA
Probably.
JOHANNA
I don’t know about that. I think the media does not have a realistic grasp on the bulk of the nation. You can’t go by what you see on TV.
They go and sit down as another family of four enters.
HANNAH
Mom…when will this be over?
JILL
Over?! It hasn’t even started yet! We just got here!
HANNAH
I know that… but when will it be over?
JILL
I don’t know. In an hour or two, I guess.
HANNAH
Two hours??
PAUL
It’ll go by fast.
LEAH
Maybe. Maybe not.
JILL
Why are you asking?
LEAH
She wants to know because she’s missing something on TV. It’s no use, anyway…we’ll never make it back in time.
JILL
In time for what? What are you missing?
PAUL
Didn’t you set the DVR? You can watch it tomorrow night.
HANNAH
But tomorrow…all my friends will have seen it and they will want to talk about it.
JILL
What is it?
LEAH
It’s the Hannah Montana Jonas Brothers High School Musical Christmas Extravaganza!
JILL
Oh brother!
LEAH
It’s only the biggest event on TV this year!
HANNAH
And I wanted to watch it live.
PAUL
This is going to be better. Now go sit down.
They sit as a couple enter arguing.

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