Frank and Edith Get a New Sanctuary

$15.00

Description:

Frank and Edith show up to church one Sunday and can’t figure out why no one is in the sanctuary. They see new carpet and follow it to a brand new sanctuary full of people.

Description

Apparently, they had been on a few cruises and for various reasons had missed quite a bit of church and didn’t even know this was happening. As they sit and wait for the service to begin, they discuss ideas on how the church could promote the new building and get people to come. As usual, they don’t always have the best attitude or spirit about things.2 actors. About 8-10 mins.

Excerpt:

Frank and Edith are heard talking in voice over at the beginning. (pre-recorded, or offstage with mics)

FRANK
Edith! Edith!
EDITH
What is it, Frank?
FRANK
What are you doing?
EDITH
I’m just touching up my lipstick. Go on ahead, Frank. I’ll catch up. Just sit in our usual spot. You know that no one will be sitting there. We’re the pillars of the church, Frank. No one sits in our spot.
FRANK
Edith! Will you just forget that and come here?!
EDITH
My goodness. You’d think that there was a sale at WalMart.
FRANK
Look at the sanctuary!
EDITH
What’s wrong with it?
FRANK
It’s empty, Edith. Nobody’s in there!
EDITH
Well, maybe Sunday School is running long today.
FRANK
Every single class? There’s not a soul in there, Edith. The parking lot is full.
EDITH
(Gasps)
You don’t think it’s the rapture!
FRANK
Don’t be silly, Edith! We’re still here!
EDITH
Oh! Of course. You’re always right, dear. But that is curious. What’s this carpet, Frank?
FRANK
What do you mean?
EDITH
This carpet? It’s new. It wasn’t here before.
FRANK
Maybe they changed it.
EDITH
Frank… how would we not know about something as major as new carpet? We’re the pillars of the church. Nothing should ever get past us. Where are you going?
FRANK
I’m following the carpet.
EDITH
You’re acting like it’s the yellow brick road! What are those doors there? Where does that lead? Is this even our church?
FRANK
Well, there’s one way to find out.
Frank opens the rear door to the new sanctuary and steps in. Now we are live (if you were on the recording).
FRANK
Edith! You’re not going to believe this!
EDITH
(Enters behind him)
Oh my stars!
FRANK
Edith… when was the last time we were here?
EDITH
I don’t know, Frank. It was before our Caribbean cruise… or was it the one before that? The Mexican cruise? Well, you know how time flies when you’re having fun. But I guess it was quite a while for them to do all this!
FRANK
You think? Look at this!
EDITH
It is really something, isn’t it? Quite nice, actually.
They begin walking up the aisle slowly and continue to talk.
FRANK
I wonder who came up with all this? I should have been on that committee.
EDITH
Of course, dear… but I really don’t think anyone asked you.
FRANK
Where should we sit?
EDITH
I don’t know, Frank! How will we find our usual spot? Oh, look… there’s Dwight Furches. Does he seem shorter to you?
FRANK
Don’t be silly, Edith… he can’t be short… oh, you know… he does look… well, they say as you get older that you do lose some height.
EDITH
It’s all very impressive, isn’t it? I wonder if Pastor Steve is intimidated by it?
FRANK
What on earth are you talking about?
EDITH
Well… you know, he had that lisp problem. Do you suppose he ever got over that? Something like this might bring it on again.

They reach the front and walk onto the stage… now the audience must imagine that they are sitting in a pew below. They slide in past the invisible pews and finally sit in two chairs set next to each other on the stage, facing the audience. They might say “excuse me and pardon me” as they step over the invisible people. They sit down and open a bulletin.

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